who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
