wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
