last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just gargled with NyQuil
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
