it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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