we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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