Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
