You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
