Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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