Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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