What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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