Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How's work?
Spinning.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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