even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Someone shattered a urinal.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
