I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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