I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
