in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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