We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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