Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
