My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
