I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
