Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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