just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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