I can't watch pbs sober anymore
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
