Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
