Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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