omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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