Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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