I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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