loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
