Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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