So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
