The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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