well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
