By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
