I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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