Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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