Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
