He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How does one acquire holy water?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
