If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
