i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
