Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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