one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
