worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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