Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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