You smell like a Billy Joel song
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
