This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
