it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
