Kiss
Puke
wanna go halves on a baby?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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