This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
