never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
