It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
