If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Holy shit dude........stairs
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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