I must be too annoying 4 u.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
