if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
