her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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